Two Draft Edited Shots For My Short Film

[GeorgeMaier]

MEGA problems with computer right now!

These are very early draft shots from the short film i'm making 'A Christmas Psychopath'

There are one or two congruently errors and no sound appart from that picked up as i will be doing all of that in post. A few rough cuts also... but enough excuses.

Shot one: robin arrives at party


Shot two: robin dies at party


Any feedback x

[mark84j]

Robin arrives:
The reused sound Robin makes is blatantly obvious.
And at the end where they're just standing there, it feels a bit awkward. Like they should have already walked off 5 seconds ago.

Robin dies:
Looks pretty good so far... can't wait to hear your added sfx. Keep it up, sir.

[GeorgeMaier]

Thanks for your feedback! Very helpful!

[paperkut12]

On the second clip, the first cut to the dolly is pretty jarring. There's movement from the people sitting one second, and then after the cut they're completely still. Also when the guy is getting whacked with the crowbar, it looks like the person is holding back. You obviously can't hurt your actor, but if you cut to a shot of the masked person swinging down and then the next shot the guy falling, I think it would look better (that is if you have that cut available).